He was someone who always would get in (to a party) without an invitation or without paying, life as free loader had its downs more than the euphoric moments. Sat at home wasted from lack of sleep, feeling lost in a crowd. His home town was one big movement of hedonism based on the a school of ethics/thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good.

The basic idea behind hedonistic thought is that pleasure is the only thing that has intrinsic value. This is often used as a justification for evaluating actions in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain (i.e. suffering) they produce. In very simple terms, a hedonist strives to maximize this net pleasure (pleasure minus pain).

He was all too aware of the consequences, it was 1996 and he had been up all night on nothing more than Gin and Cannabis, it was an early morning under the gas works where the shadows of life loomed. In the car sat the figures from the free party, their come down was to toot some brown.

Weeks on he would learn the more of the consequences, sat in a cell he was talking to the other young lad waiting for the court to decide his fate. He had the shakes, withdrawing from Smack (brown) he had been there himself had become hard towards this problem, in conversation he learnt how the drug had taken him over, free parties drop an E and as the body gets used to the high drop more. To come down he had begun to use brown, first just smoking then injecting.

On his way to another spell in prison, he thought about the conversation in that cell, he had been to Hull before so had some idea what to expect, the first night you never sleep, just lay there in fear of what is to come.

He walked out of the prison gate, his long term friend was to meet him, same old bullshit, same old bullshit, back home he smoked a pipe got wasted, he was just a gatecrasher on a free ride to dystopia and when he had got there it was not for him.

Slowly he come off the Gin and Cannabis but it took three years, he was still going to parties and gatecrashing them, watching the flow of bullshit and self delusion of the dysfunctional people and one day he would sit in his rocking chair playing Nick Drake and just reading, but this time round his boredom would not lead him to his own annihilation, watching from the sidelines.

There was of course no pleasure without pain, there was no pain without pleasure and we would all like to feel numb from life, but reality was always around the corner, it was something he could not escape from, he was happy though like life it was just relative..


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